Soon this year will be over, and yet the woods remain…..
Time catches up, or maybe we just let go of time passing. One way or another we begin to deal with the passage of time. Be here now! that’s what we are told, experience the moment, stay focused be here now!!Ow Ow Ow ….. staying present when my mind spins is not always attainable. How have we ever done it? Even as infants we experienced massive knowledge, and transformation at a speed much greater than any other time in our life. So how do we every learn to slow down and contemplate? Does one need to go off on a month or year long retreat to learn to let-it-go? What’s the trick to keeping focused on the positive? I know that when I smile the world smiles back at me, and besides is feels better! But from moment to moment, how does one keep the smile grand? they say it has to do with what and who you surround yourself with. That what you receive, all that we are are a result of what we put out there. I am having some difficulty swallowing that one. Does this mean that I choose to live with the dysfunction that surrounds me? Did I choose to reside with others who experience mental illness because of my vibration that I put out there? Not so easy to ignore these questions. At best all I can do is contemplate…..
A Day to honor dads, and so it goes….
This day to promote paternal dignity and I’m pretty sure it’s not that easy to be a dad. I have observed many a dad, trying to keep, and ultimately losing their cool with the kids. But ahem, I digress on this day to recognize they guy in the family. Hell I know that the thousand of things that require a tool to fix, my partner, a dad, willingly whips out his…. tool and attends to them. It is poetry in motion to watch him with an almost feverish look on his face, get into the details of fixin’ stuff.
My dad was definitely Mr. Fixit, to the extent of piping air throughout the house with many opportunities to use the air powered tool of the day. As my brother Dick said a tad sarcastically “We got a lot of hot air in this house….we got air”. And now that my brother has a child of his own, on the brink of manhood, that he too has “air”. It must be genetic. My other brother Buck, as dad of brilliant young twenty-something’s just pushed himself to the limit in thin Air in the Colorado Mountains over five days of stamina and endurance while riding a bike in the Rockies (). I think we all clearly see strains of Bob in his tenacity despite years of trying to be rebellious. Finally my youngest brother, I was five when he was born so he truly is “my baby” brother. He has two mid-elementary children who are with their dad in the country and mom in the New York City, definitely somewhat radically different homesteads. He maintains a simmering calm so it seems, however beware when he is no longer calm, lots of hot air and energy coming out, something my dad had plenty of.
These thoughts are in no way meant to be disrespectful of dads; I am just having fun watching my brothers grow through “dad-hood” in reflection of how each of them walks through fatherhood in their own way, but without doubt definitive similarities to Bob, my dad.
Happy Fathers Day
Somehow the gradual build up to graduation takes me to another time and space. There it is right in front of me, the transition of all those teenagers out of American High School and into…. life.
While visiting Burlington High School this morning, I was moved to tears at their presentation of learning slide show, which was set to a variety of popular club-like music. I was tapping my foot, getting into the scenery and next thing I know there are tears coming down my face and I can hardly breathe… Woah. What just happened? Was that some kind of flash back to my own (lost) youth? Or was it a deep yearning for my daughter who is so far away? What do YOU think.
I know the answer:)
I rarely get the chance to write here, seems as if so much has shifted over the past two years, and it seems like a shift is about to come again. I am expecting to once again undergo some major changes in my life. I wonder why it is that I crave/require this shifting? I worry that my constant search for new experiences somehow undermines my stability. I am always looking for ways to be “out there”…..
So self focus comes my way again, and yet I strive to be selfless. I completely crave my daughter who I now see infrequently and the time together is never enough.
The winter is setting in up here in the North Country, and I am looking forward to hikes in the snow, with the rhythmic crunching of my footsteps, creating a dance with my push forward. There was a time, that I counted all my steps in some kind of neurotic ballet across the city of San Francisco. I’m sure it was due to my life in a dance studio nearly every waking moment. It seems that lately, when I throw back the rug and turn up the music, I am happiest! Alpine skiing also has the calming rhythmic affect on me, getting my groove on the slopes has a very calming and freeing affect on me, as long as my knees hold out.
So nourishment, on this next to last day of the year, bracing myself for things go come. Letting go of 2012, a year of hard lessons, and lots of deep breaths and yoga. Calming my nervous system and taking walks to keep the rhythm of my souls journey.
I thought you were foolin when you drove off leaving me to connect the dots.
How many times does it take for ones soul to learn the lesson.
I thought I was the fool of the family, in our ship of fools.
Turns out, I was not the only fool, heading toward the gang plank.
I, however, was the only one that jumped into the clear water and decided to
hang with the fish for awhile.